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JAM | Jan 29, 2025

If you cheated, would you confess? Jamaicans give their take

ABIGAIL BARRETT

ABIGAIL BARRETT / Our Today

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Reading Time: 5 minutes
(Photo: pexels.com)

Cheating—it’s a normal human behaviour at this point.

Whether it is during a game of FIFA, a difficult exam or on your significant other, cheating is more likely to occur than not in one’s lifetime.

Psychologists call it a “complex behaviour influenced by various psychological factors”, but for Jamaicans? They have their way of cutting through the noise.

Whether it’s about understanding why someone steps out or deciding whether to confess or conceal the betrayal, psychologists say it offers insight into human relationships and moral reasoning. In Jamaica, however, where ‘matching energy’ and reciprocity flow equally strong, locals have shared their no-nonsense approaches to handling infidelity with Our Today.

From ‘tek it to yuh grave’ to ‘bun fi bun’ justice, it’s clear Jamaicans have a special take on the psychology of cheating—and perhaps some lessons the experts missed.

(Photo: pexels.com)

The responses to the prompt:

“If you cheated, would you tell your partner?”

“Hell no! I’d be a proper idiot if I confessed to cheating,” Oral, age 50 said. “If something like that were to happen, it wouldn’t have any meaning…I won’t lose my relationship over meaningless sex.”

“No, sah,” Kelvin, 45 said.

“Me personally, I’d admit based on the level of guilt felt by the act. Sounds hypocritical, I know, ” Kris, age 35 said. “But I have no problem leaving a relationship if I don’t feel fulfilled so for me, cheating would be just rooted in the physical aspect of it all not emotional.”

“I would confess because I don’t like these things on my conscience, but I don’t know if I would make it go so far because I wouldn’t want to cheat on my partner and if I don’t like them anymore I’ll just leave,” said Arabelle, age 25.

“I have no problem confessing, ’cause If I cheated I was never locked in to begin with. So it’s above me at that point,” said Janine, age 28.

“There is no way I’m telling on myself,” Irie, age 30 said. “Yes, my conscience is going to bother me, yes, but like Hurricane Beryl, this too shall pass.”

“No, I wouldn’t confess to that, ain’t no way,” said Reid, age 32.

“I’m not telling her a thing,” said Barrington, age 45. “Especially if she’s an unforgiving person. There’s no reason…why would I want to mash up a beautiful thing?”

“No, I won’t confess… I know how to pick my struggles,” said Jameil, age 39.

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Would you want to know if you were cheated on?

“I’d want them to confess, that it’s all in the spirit of letting me decide what I want to do with the knowledge/information. It might be something I can forgive or not depending on the situation,” Kris said.

“Yes, if she cheated pon mi, I’d want to know, but wi leff (breaking up) after that,” Kelvin said.

“I’d prefer him to confess,” said Shadeen, age 31, “Mi want to know so I can protect myself. If I find out from someone else or one of my own, it’s going to be worse. Give me the choice if I want to leave or stay.

“I would want to know if they cheated because I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where he is risking my trust and love and have me looking stupid,” Arabelle said.

“Yes, I’d want to know, don’t let me find out on my own, because if I do there will be hell to pay,” said Keith, age 29. “And you can’t wait too long to tell me either.”

“Yes, because whether you confess or I find out about it, I’m leaving regardless, so he’ll just be prolonging the inevitable,” Janine.

“No, I don’t want to know and if you love and respect me, you would hide that information and not ever let me find out,” Irie, age 30 said. “If I even dream of it, wi are done.”

“No, I wouldn’t want to know,” Reid said. “Mi heart weak.”

“Mi nuh wah know,” said Barrington, and Jameil agreed.

(Photo: pexels.com)

Confession vs. concealment (According to psychologists)

The decision to confess infidelity or hide it is shaped by several factors, including:

Emotional relief: Confession is sometimes seen as a way to alleviate guilt. As Psychology Today notes, those who admit to cheating often experience emotional relief, even if it damages the relationship.

Fear of consequences: On the other hand, many choose to conceal infidelity due to fear of the consequences, such as relationship breakdown or judgment from their partner and social circle (The International Psychology Clinic).

Moral disengagement: Cheaters often rationalize their actions to avoid feelings of guilt. Psychology Today explains that this process of moral disengagement allows them to justify their behaviour and continue lying.

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Gender differences in confession

Research highlighted by Psychology Today suggests that women are more likely to confess to infidelity than men. This difference may stem from societal expectations and how women and men process guilt and emotional conflict differently (Go-figure).

Consequences of infidelity

Engaging in infidelity and subsequent deception can have far-reaching consequences:

Emotional distress: Both partners in the relationship often experience anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth following infidelity. The International Psychology Clinic notes that the betrayed partner frequently struggles with trust issues long after the cheating is revealed.

Relationship dissolution: Cheating is a leading cause of relationship breakdowns, and the breach of trust often results in separation or divorce (Psychology Today).

Moral implications: Lying to conceal infidelity can lead to a cycle of deceit, further straining relationships. According to Psychology Today, this moral disengagement can damage the cheater’s long-term psychological well-being.

In the Jamaican context, the fear of consequences seems to be the common denominator among respondents is they would rather not disclose, but they would like to know if they’re on the receiving end of the ‘bun’. No surprise there. As Oral puts it, “I’d be a proper idiot if I confessed to cheating.”

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