Dearest, gentle reader, should women submit to their men?

The age-old question either makes you cringe or makes complete sense to you. For me, this builds intrigue and a need for me to get to the bottom of why the idea of submission is shunned or embraced by women.

Submission, as prefaced, is a term that often evokes strong emotions and can be interpreted in various ways depending on the context. So I know that when discussing the idea of a woman submitting, it’s crucial to approach the topic with sensitivity and an awareness of the different dimensions it holds, including personal choice, relationship dynamics, and cultural factors.

At its core, submission should always be a matter of personal choice.

Genuine submission is not about coercion or manipulation. Rather, it involves a voluntary decision based on trust and mutual respect. In a healthy relationship, whether romantic, professional, or social, submission is about aligning one’s actions with shared goals and values.

For many, choosing to submit can be a natural and thrilling experience. It allows individuals to express their trust and commitment to their partner or their role in a specific context. It’s important to recognise that submission can coexist with personal agency and independence. Women, like anyone, can choose to submit in ways that align with their values and desires.

With that explained and hopefully understood, I hope to discover how contemporary women approach the idea of submission. I want to understand and dissect the ways they think about it, and how it makes them feel. It’s also important to know that I am not a sociologist, but a journalist trying to probe and present my findings in a manner that may be informative, provocative and maybe even entertaining.

Submission within the context of relationships often involves a power dynamic that’s negotiated between partners. In consensual relationships, submission can be an expression of love, trust, and respect. The key is that these dynamics are agreed upon by both parties and are based on open communication and mutual understanding.

Should women submit to their men?

Here are some responses I got from men and women of varying ages, backgrounds, and professions. Completely by chance, all have completed their tertiary education and all but one respondent is Jamaican. This may or may not be inconsequential. I just thought it was worth mentioning for those who may be curious.

“Yes, I believe a lot of people confuse submission with subservience,” said Shevanese, aged 28. “Yes, submit to him allow him to be a part of your life and sway you to cater to him and take care of him but let commonsense prevail.”

“Men and women should know what they are submitting to. Relationships are to be based on mutual respect and communication. You have the right to autonomy but with the understanding of mutual support,” said Bridget, age 38. “Men and women are different respectively, therefore, being open-minded and respectful plays a significant role. People often misunderstand what being submissive means. For submission to be healthy it has to be voluntary, and consensual, healthy boundaries should be included and the value of your partner.”

“If he’s worthy to be submitted to of coouurrssee! (sic),” said Adele, aged 28. “Submission isn’t the same as coming under control.”

“On the side of the man, it’s not something that’s a given. Part of your role is to cultivate an environment where she’s willing to do that,” said Louis, age 29. “Like with most things, cultivating that takes different things to varying degrees depending on the couple, and that onus is on both of them to figure out what each other needs and if y’all are compatible enough or capable enough to create that environment where you as the man have that authority and she as your woman has that trust in you to defer to your leadership.”

“I will submit the bills,” said Asha, age 37.

“When I was about to get married and the Reverent’s first pronouncement was that I submit to my husband, I changed him as officiant,” said Veronica, aged 37. “I will let him lead in certain circumstances, but submission is a very heavy word and can lead to abuse or inequality in the relationship.”

“Submit? As in give this man full control of myself? It depends — are my needs fully met? Are my bills fully paid? Is he faithful and smart? Caring and God-fearing?” Lemmy, 29 asked. “If all the answers are yes to these questions then I am open to the idea of submission.”

“If that man is being a man and not a boy then of course!” said Trevine, age 28. “I need to feel secure enough to commit.”

“You have to come to an understanding with your partner, but I don’t think women should submit to men, “Jeff said, “Furthermore, nowadays there are no real men, so why should women submit? These men are pussycats, not lions…”

Submission vs Dominance

Let’s begin with eliminating a common misconception: The opposite of submission is not dominion, it is defiance.

For your edification:

Submission: The action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or the will or authority of another person.

Dominion: The power or right of governing and controlling; sovereign authority. rule; control; domination.

Defiance: Open resistance; bold disobedience.

I’m not a lexicographer, I have no say in how these words are defined.

It’s important to understand the distinction between the general concept of submission and submission within the context of a relationship. In a relationship, submission involves a conscious decision by both partners to build trust, offer support, and maintain balance. In a healthy relationship, submission should be accompanied by equality and mutual respect.

The ‘dominant’ (being used loosely here) partner should understand and value the submissive partner’s needs and boundaries. Communication is essential to ensure that both partners feel fulfilled and respected.

You aren’t giving up your autonomy or your rights as a human.

You are simply sharing the load and responsibilities with your significant other, allowing them to play their role within the union. Submission within your union can look like a woman differing from her man whenever there’s a decision to be made (not because she doesn’t trust her instincts or her intellect, but because she values his input and involvement). This is opposed to doing whatever you want regardless of how it impacts your significant other or your relationship.

What I now understand

When a woman chooses to submit, it is often a reflection of deep trust and respect for her partner. This trust is built over time through consistent actions and a genuine understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries.

Establishing a trustworthy relationship requires ongoing communication, empathy, and support. Trust is not given lightly; it is earned and maintained through respectful interactions and a commitment to each other’s well-being.

Submission can coexist with personal strength and independence. Women, like all individuals, have the right to make decisions about their lives and relationships based on their values and preferences. It’s about finding a harmonious balance that respects both personal agency and the dynamics of the relationship.

From the responses I got from both men and women, I now know that some Jamaican women are open to submitting their significant others on the basis that they are men who are capable of leading them, and not every man can lead.

Jeff put it poignantly when he said, “Why should women submit? These men are pussycats, not lions…”

Jeff went on to highlight that the variety of men we have in our society now (in his opinion) is weak. He said they cannot protect nor can they provide for a woman, so what is she submitting to?

It got me thinking, and I came to the conclusion that it is not that women don’t want to submit, and it is not that there aren’t any men out there worth submitting to — there are just not enough quality men to go around.

With that, I do think women should submit to their men, but not without merit.