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JAM | May 14, 2023

A letter to mothers who have endured pregnancy loss

Candice Stewart

Candice Stewart / Our Today

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Dear moms who have endured pregnancy loss,

Today, the second Sunday in May, is observed and celebrated by many as Mother’s Day, and it can be a difficult one to manoeuver.

It’s a day of celebrating mothers and the sacrifices they have made for their children. However, you exist in a world where your baby is a memory and all you remember are the days, weeks, or months that your bundle of joy spent in utero. In some cases, you may have memories of your little one who took a few short breaths before departing this world. You may also continue to envision what could have been if your baby survived.

It may feel like you and others like you are forgotten. You aren’t.

I hope you know that the hurt and pain you feel are natural.

Today, you may find it even more difficult to see or hear the exchanges of love and support for other mothers whose experience is your polar opposite. Please know that your feelings and experience with pregnancy loss in relation to Mother’s Day are valid.

You are not forgotten and you are also worthy of acknowledgment as a mother. Your story with motherhood is just different than other mothers and so, you may want to experience today differently.

Here are just a few ways in which you can observe or celebrate Mother’s Day:

Visit your baby’s memorial site

It could be a tree the family planted in memory of your baby, a formal headstone, or a bench at a park dedicated in their memory. If it’s not too difficult for you, visit the memorial site. Make the trip and lay down some fresh flowers, say hello, and pay your respects to the little one.

Remember your surviving children

For mothers with other children, today may be bittersweet. Where you have experienced to cold sadness of pregnancy loss, you have also experienced the joy of giving birth. In as many ways as you can, continue to honour the memory of the baby who passed by demonstrating your love for the surviving children.

Acknowledge yourself as a mother

The experience of pregnancy loss is a devastating one and may sometimes lead you to question your ability to carry a child to full term. In some cases, mothers who have endured pregnancy loss may not want to consider themselves as mothers. In truth, you are. You developed a bond with your baby in utero that some cannot begin to understand. You nourished your baby and that child connected with you. Yes, you’re a mother.

Talk about your experience with your baby and call the child’s name. Feel free to also talk about all the plans you had after giving birth.

You are a mother.

May your little one rest in peace.

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