Health & Wellbeing
JM | Jun 10, 2021

Buzz kill: Sex anxiety on the rise among millennials

SaChina Russell

SaChina Russell / Our Today

author

Did COVID-19 kill your sexual desires?

Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

In the past year and three months we have all spent time inside quarantining, eating, getting fat, Netflixing without chilling, and some even hopping onto the home-workout bandwagon.

Now that the country is opening up, many might develop anxiety about how to interact with new men or might think, “I’ve lost my social skills or I’m too fat and don’t know how to small talk.”

According to Instyle Magazine, these are nervous thoughts about the idea of having sex again, now that it’s been well over a year.

Which is understandable, after all, as with 15 months of hearing how fatal the pandemic is, the idea of swapping body fluids is thought provoking, especially if one already had trouble with personal insecurities before the pandemic. 

Many people might very well feel out of practice when it comes to sex, others are worried that their libidos will never be the same.

But, it’s like riding a bike.

Let’s start with some training wheels, yes?

Our Today has taken to list the 10 suggestions recommended by Instyle Magazine to help you graduate to your adult bicycle. 

Up your self-care

We tend to abuse the physical body with food, alcohol, drugs, and poor self-care later realising that we end up feeling lethargic and it kills our libido. 

Therefore, getting on a consistent schedule where you are eating healthily, exercising moderately, and getting enough sleep can help relieve any form of anxiety and improve one’s sex drive. 

Treat yourself to a makeover

Drop the scissors and slowly back away from your hair and nails.

If you haven’t treated yourself to your first haircut and manicure post-Covid, do it. 

Same goes for getting your brows groomed and or bikini wax, shave or Nair.

Self-care can make you feel more put together and more confident.

When we are dating, we tend to think of doing those things for the other person but the truth is, they tend to make us feel sexier and give us the boost we need, especially when getting back out there after a long break. 

Get in touch with your body

That’s right, get all up in there

Take the time to tune into your body, even if that means just standing in the mirror studying the frame of your body from head to toe realigning with your bodily sensations.

The pandemic triggered a lot of anxiety, trauma, fear, and PTSD, leaving us numb. 

Therefore, learning to touch yourself (again), both sensually and sexually, can help you get back in touch with your sexuality.

Make a commitment to explore your body ;).

Take care of your mental health

If you feel that your mental health has really suffered, this is a good time to talk with a therapist and or trust-worthy friends or family.

Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone and knowing that your feelings of anxiety around dating and sex are normal, can help immensely.

Figure out your COVID comfort zone

Before you go on a date, figure out what you are comfortable with and what you truly want. 

Once you have figured out your boundaries, make sure to ask questions in advance. 

Instyle Magazine suggests asking these questions: “Are you requiring your potential dates to be vaccinated (if so, make sure they have had both shots and are far enough out from their last injection to have full immunity)?”

“Are you requiring that your dates get tested for COVID?”

“Are you asking questions about their behavior to get a sense of how much exposure they have had to other people or high-risk situations?”

These questions will help to improve the comfort level if you actually go on that first date.

Have sex – Duh, with yourself

Masturbation for some unknown reason is a touchy topic that most individuals don’t talk about while others simple don’t participate in the act.

When you don’t have sex, even solo sex, your testosterone or estrogen levels drop, which means your desire does too, i.e.: the longer you take to indulge in self-love, the less desirable it becomes.

Get those juices up and running, baby.

By all means, if you do feel like you’ve found a safe partner that gives you the feels… indulge away.

Revive your social skills

Again, for the past 15 months we have all been subjected to multiple quarantines, lockdowns and different restrictions, therefore experiencing social anxiety is absolutely normal.

Getting back out there slowly with friend-dates can help you feel more like your pre-COVID social self. 

One step at a time.

Basically, work your way up to date-like activities with your friends prior to actually dating. 

Talk it through with your date

After facing mass casualties and death, many people are choosing not to waste time on dates and are getting really fast. 

Slow down, Speedy Gonzales.

This trend of transparency allows more room for honest vulnerable conversations, which is totally acceptable.

Except, you don’t need to tell your new date every detail about your struggles with your libido and body image, letting that person know that it’s been a while since you’ve had sex.

First dates are not the time for intimate conversations.

Being nervous on a date is normal and even healthy, however, omit oversharing information that wasn’t asked for.

Go slow

When you are ready to be in a room alone with your new date or even a new partner…. take it slow, evaluate what it is you want or expect, simply allow yourself to enjoy feelings of excitement, calm, affection, and connection.

The pandemic indeed deprived many if not most individuals of touch which is a biological human need. 

Reportedly, the fruition of the deprivation is called “pandemic skin hunger”.

It is real. 

Just being touched is exciting, so enjoy if you have carefully processed the terms regarding intimacy, otherwise, don’t feel pressured to jump straight into sex. 

Literally, take your time.

Trust your body

Try not to think too much when it comes to the actual act.

 Trust your body to remember how to do it. 

Also, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be the greatest lay anyone’s ever had, especially if it is your first time out.

Think of it as more like losing your virginity. 

It takes a while to feel confident and secure, but you will get there.

#TrainingWheels

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