Reading Time: 3 minutes

Although I am not a parent yet, I proudly wear the title of full-time auntie, not to my own nieces and nephews but to the children of my friends and those who have become part of my extended village. Through years of observation, one thing has stood out to me: too many parents today seem more interested in being their children’s friends than being their parents.

Before anyone misunderstands me, let me be clear. I am not suggesting that children should experience all the hardships their parents endured. Every generation should strive to provide better opportunities for the next. That is progress. However, somewhere along the way, many of us have confused providing a better life with removing boundaries, accountability, and parental authority.

In my view, this overcompensation is one of the reasons we are seeing so many children who struggle with manners, display an overwhelming sense of entitlement, and have difficulty accepting responsibility for their actions. Too much inappropriate behaviour is excused or overlooked in the name of being the “cool parent.” Somewhere, correction has become criticism, and discipline has become something to avoid.

The only friendship an underage child truly needs from a parent is one built on trust. They should know they can come to you with their fears, mistakes, questions, and struggles without fear of rejection. That kind of relationship creates safety. But trust does not require equality of roles. You can be approachable, loving, and emotionally available without becoming your child’s peer.

Children need parenting. They need guidance. They need direction. They need leadership. They need someone willing to make difficult decisions on their behalf before they are mature enough to make them for themselves. They need adults who can model emotional regulation, respect, responsibility, and resilience. That cannot happen if the greater effort is spent trying to be accepted as “one of the crew.”

I often smile when I think about my own childhood. I loved dressing like my mother. We wore matching outfits and twinned whenever we could. They were always age-appropriate, and I absolutely adored it. Looking back, I never needed my mother to be my best friend. I needed her to be my mother, and that she was. She loved me deeply while still correcting me, protecting me, and setting expectations. Those boundaries gave me security.

As summer approaches, I sometimes wonder why some parents feel obligated to bring their underage children to every fete, every party, and every adult social event. Childhood is short. Summer is an opportunity to expose children to experiences that shape character and develop competence. Enrol them in summer camps. Encourage them to learn a new sport, instrument, language, trade, or life skill. Give them experiences that stretch their minds, not just entertain them.

Not every decision involving a child needs to be a democracy. Some things simply need to be instructions.

Sometimes I wonder if the real issue is that many adults themselves were never shown healthy leadership. In trying so hard not to become the strict or emotionally unavailable parents they once had, they have swung to the opposite extreme. Some are now so afraid of disappointing or offending their children that the children have become the ones leading the household.

Perhaps the adults need healing too.

Healing your own inner child is not only about finding peace for yourself; it is about ensuring your unresolved wounds do not shape your parenting. Children deserve parents who can lead with confidence, consistency, compassion, and wisdom, not parents who constantly seek their approval.

And while I know this may sound traditional, I admit that some of the names children now call their parents genuinely surprise me. “Dawg.” “Bro.” “Good gyal.” Sometimes even just their parents’ first names. Every family has its own culture, and respect can certainly be expressed in different ways. Still, I believe there is value in maintaining a distinction between parent and child that reinforces respect alongside love.

If I am ever blessed to become a mother, I hope I can be even half the mother mine was to my brother and me. If I can achieve that, I will consider myself a successful parent.

The beautiful thing is that there is a time for friendship.

As children mature into adulthood, the parent-child relationship naturally evolves. The authority gradually gives way to mutual respect, shared conversations, laughter, and genuine friendship. That friendship is often richer because it was built upon years of guidance, trust, and healthy boundaries.

But if we skip the parenting stage in pursuit of friendship too early, we risk sacrificing the very foundation that allows that beautiful friendship to blossom later.

Parent first.

Friend later.

The order matters.